Spiritual Bulimia

I'm reading a book right now that is really hitting home for me. I mean, I am reading inside of this book about feelings I have had for 4, 5 even 6 years now, but I have never put into words, never thought them through. It is such an awesome feeling. I'm going to quote out of the book here in just a second, but let set this up first. Well... on second thought, I'll talk about it after this quote from the book.

Previous to this quote he is talking about becoming a believer and people telling him what Christians believed, but not teaching him how Christians live.

The Irresistible Revolution, Shane Claiborne, Pg 39
"So as we do in our culture, I thought perhaps I needed to buy more stuff, Christian stuff. Luckily, I found an entire Christian industrial complex ready to help with Christian music, bumper stickers, T0shirts, books, and even candy..... They had lists of bands and the Christian alternatives to them, so I got rid of all my old CDs. (And I must confess, I was a bit disappointed by the Christian counterfeit. Who could compare to Guns N' Roses and Vanilla Ice?) And I bought books, devotionals, T-shirts. I developed a common illness that haunts Western Christianity. I call it spiritual bulimia. Bulimia, of course, is a tragic eating disorder, largely linked to identity and image, where folks consume large amounts of food but vomit it up before it has a chance to digest. I developed the spiritual form of it where I did my devotions, read all the new Christian books and saw the Christian movies, and then vomited information up to friends, small groups, and pastors. But it had never had the chance to digest. I had gorged myself on all the products of the Christian industrial complex but was spiritually starving to death. I was marked by an overconsumptive but malnourished spirituality, suffocated by Christianity but thirsty for God."

This is exactly what I feel like I have done until the last couple of months. I feel like I have only regurgitated other peoples beliefs to my friends and families through conversations, etc. I don't feel like I knew what I believed or why. I know that I believed, but I just didn't know on my own terms, I knew, because it made sense. The problem was, I wasn't living my faith. I didn't have a chance to live my faith, I was living the faith of the authors that I was reading, or I was living the faith I was taught in church, or talked about with my friends, not because it was my faith, but simply because that was what Christians did, they regurgitated information to each other and passed it down the line so that everyone can be the good little Christian.

Guess what, I am believing now and living MY faith now, for probably the very first time in my life. There are people who don't get it, there are people who wonder what the heck I am doing, and there are people who are right where I am. I love it. Don't get me wrong, I don't have it figured out by any means, but I have a faith that is coming alive.