Starting!

OK, so here I go! My first official post on this blog. I've been using Myspace for blogging, and it's ok, but I wanted my blogging to mature to some degree so I figured this is the next step. I've been toying with starting this blog for several weeks, and I figured I just need to do it. My goal will be to write a couple of times a week.

I really just want to keep it real, tell you what's happening in my life, not because I need your advice, or your encouragement, or your correction, or even your pity, but simply just to let you be a part of my life, therefore, letting me be part of your life. That's what this is really all about, opening myself up, being an open book, for all to read.

I'm so tired of living life all bottled up, afraid to ask a stupid question, or to let people know what's really going on in my life. Don't get me wrong, I don't plan this to be a pity party for Robert all of the time, but by all means, I want to be able to tell you when I'm angry, or hurting, or sick. I want you to be part of my life. So for now, I'm going to leave you with a post from Myspace, back in April of '07. It speaks to this same issue to some degree, it may be a little confusing at first, but bare with me, it'll start to make sense soon.

OPEN OR CLOSED?
I find it so weird that as I look back over my blog the last few weeks, and even some of my friends blogs, that our emotions, are always up/down. We're never steady for a period of time then go down for a period of time, it's the yo-yo of life I guess. Actually, some people would say it's the yo-yo of being unstable and I often think that. I try to write consistently in my blog, but I haven't done it real consistently this week because I have noticed that, and I'm not sure I want people thinking about me, what I think about myself sometimes. I think that i am mentally unstable, simply because my emotions rise and fall like the tide. Do you think that of me? What about of yourself? I talk about being all open and honest, and that is what I long for, a time when I have good friends that know ALL about me, instead of one BEST friend that knows most. I want my good friends to all have the same knowledge of me, I want them to know my inner thoughts, my emotions, stable or unstable. As one friend has said, though, when that starts happening, judgement and condemnation are easy to creep in, because you start thinking that "wow, they have it made, what are they so messed up for", or maybe you think, "Man, they have no real clue of what life is all about". You get the drift. It is easy to be non-judgemental in theory, but it's a lot different to be non-judgemental in practice. I know, my theory has held up many times, until I try to put it into practice. I just want to love people for who they are, not who they pretend to be, because if I can't even do that, how can I expect others to do it. I guess my hope is that I will find those people that do provide that and can lead me in that direction, but instead, most of the time, I find people who are so overprotective of themselves that they are running the opposite direction. So... my hope is that as I work on becoming an open book to my friends, that I can influence some of them to become an open book, but if that doesn't happen, I have to remember that it is not my calling to open them and read them as freely as I hope to let them read me. It is only my calling to open MY book and let them read me, period. I hope I'm getting better at this, but I know some of you who are reading this are thinking weird things, and some of you are thinking, "that strikes a chord". Which is it for you?